Thursday, March 14, 2013

Pay Attention

If you pay attention at every moment, you form a new relationship to time. In some magical way; by slowing down, you become more efficient, productive, and energetic. Focusing without distraction directly on the task in front of you. Not only do you become immersed in the moment, you become that moment. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us it's in everyone. As we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. 

Song of the Male Narcissist

When I said that I would leave you 
I meant "Don't let me go" 
and instead of saying yes to you 
I said - I'll let you know 

I put myself above you 
so you'd think me some great prize 
and blamed my faults upon you 
all because of my false pride 

So I know you have good reason 
for complaining like you do 
because I never really thought of you 
just 'to mine own ego' was I true 

But the truth is I'm embarrassed 
for how badly I've behaved 
and for being such a coward 
I really am ashamed 

Cause I don't want you to guess 
how helpless that I feel 
and that I don't know how to save you 
even though my love is real 

There is so much I have to learn 
and if you're needing proof 
just look at how I twist and turn 
and struggle with the truth 

I cannot be your hero 
and I don't always understand 
and really I just want you to see 
the child within this man 

I'm so scared that you will leave me 
when you see my acts a sham 
and that I gave up long ago 
on being loved for who I am 

I need a guiding hand in life 
and need you to be strong 
I need you to be virtuous 
and let me tag along 

Set me goals I can accomplish 
and praise me where you can 
not for the act - just for the steps 
I take to become a man 

Cause I still have tantrums like a baby 
and think I must get my way 
and I don't know how to listen 
and I haven't learned to pray 

So love and please don't leave me 
and help me learn to get along, 
but stop crying and getting angry 
cause it's really you who's strong 

To make me feel bad won't change things 
cause I'm already wracked with shame. 
and sometimes you must say "no" for me 
and kindly say my name 

and if I'm being brutish 
you must make me face the law 
You must show concern with courage 
if you want my heart to thaw 

Cause I won't respect a victim 
and you won't beat me at that game 
and if you really want to tame me 
you can't be scared of public shame 

Cause it will take men with integrity 
that I squarely have to face 
you see I'm craving a strong father 
and you'll never take his place 

And I'm trying hard to trust you 
which I don't know how to do 
and I hope you can forgive me 
and I hope that we're not through 


Monday, February 25, 2013


It's 4:33 p.m. pacific time in Seattle! I never blog around this time a day...but I have something to say. I was extremely sad yesterday thinking about tons of different things both past && present. Ever felt like you can't talk to anybody about how you feel because they would NEVER understand? Me too. I don't like talking to people because I don't give a fuck about nobody's opinion especially on my feelings. How I feel when I wake up or go to sleep is affected by one person ONLY && that's me. It's hard letting go, it's tough moving on && I don't care how strong you are that shit hurts. For someone to leave you like that....beat you up inside like that, talk bad about you straight like that! I'm a good ass person but I don't have to prove that to nobody the only person that matters is ME. I'm tired of hearing about everyone's problems and being treated any type of way...i'm not getting paid to hear your BULLSHIT! I'm somewhat meaner that I've ever been in my life but i'm okay with that. I didn't change in a bad way but I can't with these human beings who think it's cool for them to control your mind, pick your life apart or have a say so on the decisions YOU make. I always had a low tolerance but if I can't take something anymore I just won't...TODAY I chose not to give a fuck about anyone other that what's best for me, what's left of me...what's going to benefit ME! I am living a sin free lifestyle by choice && i'm proud. Today I quit letting those who don't do shit for me matter even an ounce because you don't. I'm not going to acknowledge anyone if that's what I chose...I will be bothered when I can be...take it or leave it the window is always open. Today I will smile because it happened and smile because it came to an end. Today I will plan what I will do with my summer && evaluate who I will become in the next couple of months. I have plans...I have dreams && I have serious ambition. I am in control of my destiny...Today is not the day to get on my bad side especially with everything i'm going through alone. Today I am shaking it all off because I have too many rooting for my success && waiting on portraits that I've promised to make. Everybody so damn nosey, can I live? Can I NOT be an open book and do things without you worrying who she with or what she talking about? Who she dating, where she live, what she doing with her life now. That shit so nerve wrecking. I'm about to take off to a whole new level and it's funny because not everybody you start with you end with && not everybody you loving is going to love you back. I love myself tooooo much that I won't substitute my dignity for anyone. I shouldn't have to, it's over. If someone was going to do something they would have done it by now. People ain't shit && you're going to hurt whether you say how you feel or keep it in....either way you have to find a way to deal with the cards life hands you. I choose today not to give a flying fuck about anything but Sable && my siblings...i'm not waiting on something i'll never get or have. If you settle you get less than what you actually settled for. What you can do is count on yourself to soar higher than you ever expected. I have so much built up that i'm just going to let it out with energy towards success. Underestimate me all you want, my intelligence, my heart, "everything i'm not made me everything I am" and it's okay to feel....that's what I love most about change...when it comes it's no turning back. Someone will help me heal && appreciate my blessings....friends family etc. I won't allow the criticism nor lack of empathy. Those who think they are better than you will also get less of my time. We battle ourselves everyday...i'm almost there && i'm proud of my endurance. You don't know my struggle, my story or my hustle. What you see is what you get && you won't be getting much. *toodles*

Signed Sanae' .

Saturday, February 23, 2013


Can we let our love-sick thoughts re-take it's course
I kept walking away without proper divorce
This isn't a hoax, joke, no sugar coats
But a plea that i'm the one for you...
Are you truly the one he picked for me? 

Memories are taped on the walls inside my ribs
We are both at fault but all I see is us raising kids
In my it a hallucination to help me heal...
Can we find ways to deal...let our flesh rub..lips seal
The potential never fades we can only learn not to move so fast
I shouldn't have made us an item without learning of your past

I just knew I wanted to be with you and I wouldn't dare ever change that..
Was it fate that we met...chance or just a lesson of curiosity killed the cat
For the experience to be better lovers for somebody distant and new?
I love you so much Dion seems like this poem will just have to due...

There is nowhere to hide...we can only look ahead...what's there to spare?
Every flaw we shared was resplendent...understood love in the southern air
Listening to Pandora makes it even harder to earnestly explain.....
How I've made it coping with our division followed by unbearable pain

They say the one who causes it usually can in the same have it fixed
I just wanted to be the only ONE I can't hear about other chicks
It made me flip, become this passionate bitch I never want to be
Because I cared for you so much and was afraid you might go back and leave

First that is...I act the way I do for a reason but my trust issues weren't like yours
Stabbing each other and playing the blame game won't rebuild all those broken doors!
We could have so much more...if we are a team....I get it now communication is KEY
God was needed in the beginning he will do the mending.....he's the one to help us see

I can't control your feelings but I can say love is stronger than our egos and pride
If nothing changes...closure is nice but I want to work for this.. I've reached and tried
Never thought i'd hear myself say these unbelievable unclouded things...
I've grown entirely soo much, i'm happy with it...and who I am..may our hearts sing

Together in holy matrimony, I come to you sincerely in this deja vu i'm in
I've learned not to hold it in so long, i'm in a space where I just want to win
this might not make sense now but grief is a heavy load...from the pressure of 
being afraid of loving someone...that's the way it goes, It was more good than it was bad
it doesn't foreshadow how you made me feel and the days I was constantly sad

I just want to fix it, start fresh on learning about one another's needs...
Judgment isn't what neither of us should bleed
I rather be with you....and carry your seed under
the condition to no longer hurt me...I think of how my mother still asks of you 
She studies my every move knowing too that i'm hiding how this sky blue
embarrassment doesn't matter when i'm assuring this is true

I write for release, we may not ever get back together but this is for me..for peace
You aren't held in my captivity....I know what I have to do...i'm not weak, not to be walked
all over but to be taken seriously. I am strong, I have been all faith is saying we can
go on off boundless laugh at my hope but years from now...we might both be crazy in love
walking down that's so fairy tale ish..

I pretend i'm hardcore but that's the only way I can protect myself when I don't want others to sense more. 
When you think you understand but have no idea what you let happen our images were too cool...
If we both pray for another chance please don't make me an old mans fool

Life has a certain way at making you FEEL what you wish would just go away
but if it hasn't died yet maybe it was always suppose to stay...we went astray 
I see myself in a much brighter light, I believe in this insane love I just lost sight
I've never knew how to put up a fight, I might even be too late if I can forgive you for such agony
That's already offering half of me...I has no expectations that's why I don't expect you to do anything but try to be tender.

Love Sanae'

Monday, February 18, 2013

Honey Molasses...

In my free time...
you are my spring
my future king, the
cling to my hipbones
a dysfunctional love Jones
there isn't another clone..
for we are the prototype
of one another's destiny...
put your chest to me, my heart
beats an instrumental tune...
is it too soon, for us to undress
our thoughts underneath the white
moon? words aren't enough, we both
pretend to be tough, I know you like it rough
I want to stay in your cuffs...i'm your honey molasses
soft, buttery smooth and with my feet, take
me so high that nothing can break our tie...our souls became balloons,
feed me with spoons of honey, thick nectar so pure and sticky.
This constant tug of war is starting to get tricky, we play Russian
roulette...but why lose a bet when the best card match is me. As
closely near, you feel my prescence in my erotic eyes...a picture can tell
a million lies or one truth. I want to be glued to you and your love..put no one above
US. I imagine bubbles, candles and some Floetry...I want to be your only poetry, drown in my's better than anyone you've ever had...don't hold back come find my opening...turn on the
lights, put on your reading glasses kiss each letter in my name and dream of me as molasses..stuck in your heart, swallow my existence and save it because we're not done. I bite you like chocolate and dream that I can taste the skin, we don't wanna never end....didn't finish the song, don't be too long, that voice I miss...the nature in our's too hard to tell if a match made in heaven set the fire in hell.

Love, Honey Molasses / Sable S.

p.O.e.M u.K.n.O.w.N

I think that if you let me i'd treat you like the sky..
i'd join up all your insecurities, && bundle all your flaws.
I'd create a new constellation && search for it endlessly.

I know you don't see yourself the way I see you...

&& you still argue, when I call you beautiful. But all the
things you can't stand about yourself,are all things I can't go a day without.

I think that if you let me,just to show you

that all the stars will never shine as YOU. <3

I didn't write this, however I thinks it's so important to express yourself though metaphors and descriptive visuals relating to the universe. I chose to post this poem because I see things in certain individuals that they don't see in their self  I want to say that inner beauty means so much to me and I believe everyone has a light shining in them that nobody could take away. That spark illuminates when you meet different people. It never fades, it's memorable, love is fascinating because when you can't tell the person how you really feel you can write about it. This poem gave me some sort of knowledge. Who comes to your mind when you see certain things, hear particular songs or read a meaningful poem? That's the point of it discover, value...think && cherish this type of recognition. I am an introvert but it doesn't matter, this made me feel good...because I know what it's like to see this in a person who might now have known why when they can't see it for themselves. 

*snaps fingers*

Thursday, January 31, 2013

Le Secret..(Poem)

It's 1:44 a.m. as I freely expose my sable colored breast...
I am wildly awake because your frame won't seem to rest
inside the walls of my vagina nor the space in my treasure chest
I finally confess my feelings for you won't shrink any less..

Than my cracked hearts desire to be back in the country
where we could expose our pains together in silence..and
when she collapsed into you and he melted in her chocolate sea...
naturally, like the plain yogurt I were good for my health

A new flavor so free...maybe i'm hopefully seeking to hit a brick wall
my fantasy is real while reality knows I won't get that missed call...
of an area code that could only make me paint mountain
hard to forget this secret I hide very well..they can't find it..I mean at all

It's breathing in my lungs, living in between my thighs...jumping in my veins,
hiding in my eyes...that's how deep our love shall always remain
the softest part of my body remembers your unspoken  name
I would expose this part of my love but i'm afraid...if anyone knew

How I really felt, I would be weak..immune to the devastation
am I making any sense? I long to pause this constant masturbation
but I can't let another get close enough to taste the concentration
of my fruits, they were for you...all the berries and teas I would

Feed our children..I look so well stitched but inside i'm cotton-filled
staring at this computer screen taking my last birth control pill..
nobody would know my secrets and how I am calmly ill
by the past I didn't expect and that last minute chill

Playing footsies with my sheets, beauty is more than skin deep
it's trying to help you discover that beauty isn't the beast ...nor me!
love is contagious, may it spread through the memories west and east
if it was stronger than pride why do we hide behind a promised kiss we'll never greet;

~ Love Sable Sanae' 1/31/13