Today

It's 4:33 p.m. pacific time in Seattle! I never blog around this time a day...but I have something to say. I was extremely sad yesterday thinking about tons of different things both past && present. Ever felt like you can't talk to anybody about how you feel because they would NEVER understand? Me too. I don't like talking to people because I don't give a fuck about nobody's opinion especially on my feelings. How I feel when I wake up or go to sleep is affected by one person ONLY && that's me. It's hard letting go, it's tough moving on && I don't care how strong you are that shit hurts. For someone to leave you like that....beat you up inside like that, talk bad about you straight like that! I'm a good ass person but I don't have to prove that to nobody the only person that matters is ME. I'm tired of hearing about everyone's problems and being treated any type of way...i'm not getting paid to hear your BULLSHIT! I'm somewhat meaner that I've ever been in my life but i'm okay with that. I didn't change in a bad way but I can't with these human beings who think it's cool for them to control your mind, pick your life apart or have a say so on the decisions YOU make. I always had a low tolerance but if I can't take something anymore I just won't...TODAY I chose not to give a fuck about anyone other that what's best for me, what's left of me...what's going to benefit ME! I am living a sin free lifestyle by choice && i'm proud. Today I quit letting those who don't do shit for me matter even an ounce because you don't. I'm not going to acknowledge anyone if that's what I chose...I will be bothered when I can be...take it or leave it the window is always open. Today I will smile because it happened and smile because it came to an end. Today I will plan what I will do with my summer && evaluate who I will become in the next couple of months. I have plans...I have dreams && I have serious ambition. I am in control of my destiny...Today is not the day to get on my bad side especially with everything i'm going through alone. Today I am shaking it all off because I have too many rooting for my success && waiting on portraits that I've promised to make. Everybody so damn nosey, can I live? Can I NOT be an open book and do things without you worrying who she with or what she talking about? Who she dating, where she live, what she doing with her life now. That shit so nerve wrecking. I'm about to take off to a whole new level and it's funny because not everybody you start with you end with && not everybody you loving is going to love you back. I love myself tooooo much that I won't substitute my dignity for anyone. I shouldn't have to, it's over. If someone was going to do something they would have done it by now. People ain't shit && you're going to hurt whether you say how you feel or keep it in....either way you have to find a way to deal with the cards life hands you. I choose today not to give a flying fuck about anything but Sable && my siblings...i'm not waiting on something i'll never get or have. If you settle you get less than what you actually settled for. What you can do is count on yourself to soar higher than you ever expected. I have so much built up that i'm just going to let it out with energy towards success. Underestimate me all you want, my intelligence, my heart, "everything i'm not made me everything I am" and it's okay to feel....that's what I love most about change...when it comes it's no turning back. Someone will help me heal && appreciate my blessings....friends family etc. I won't allow the criticism nor lack of empathy. Those who think they are better than you will also get less of my time. We battle ourselves everyday...i'm almost there && i'm proud of my endurance. You don't know my struggle, my story or my hustle. What you see is what you get && you won't be getting much. *toodles*

Signed Sanae' .